The Emotional Alchemy Podcast
Welcome to the Emotional Alchemy Podcast where safety is medicine, connection is never automated and everything is relational.
The Emotional Alchemy Podcast
133. How to Build a "Better" (Aka More Regulated, Connected and Empowered) Relationship With Social Media
In this episode, I delve into 'spring cleaning' your social media account and the vitality of curation for an empowering online experience. I reveal how my personal strategy focuses on fostering genuine connections, not just boosting follower numbers. By listening to our body's cues and maintaining control over our digital engagements, we can build a more authentic presence online.
Running a business on social media can often feel like a tightrope walk between marketing and staying true to oneself. We tackle the importance of setting firm boundaries akin to the decorum of a physical store, utilizing tools like the block button to foster a respectful environment. It's all about the nuanced art of engaging in respectful dialogues on sensitive topics while keeping a business page authentic and boundary-conscious.
As a teacher and practitioner, sharing knowledge ethically is a tightrope of its own. I open up about my balance between vulnerability and professionalism, stressing the importance of knowing your expertise limits when discussing complex subjects. This allows us to ethically navigate important conversations about emotionally charged events. Join us for this insightful episode as we explore the delicate dance of social media, teaching, and personal boundaries.
Kat HoSoo Lee is an Emotional Alchemy Coach, Spiritual Business Mentor and host of The Emotional Alchemy Podcast.
She loves playing in the space where science and spirituality converge because this is where we get to experience emotional alchemy. In her work, she educates space-holders about somatic physiology and environmental biology so they can deepen their practices of listening and presence which ultimately helps them expand their capacity to hold space for others.
As a Spiritual Business Mentor, she guides soulful entrepreneurs to approach their business as a spiritual practice. The work bridges the emotional landscape with practical tools which allow them to cultivate businesses that are rooted in conscious values, relational marketing and purposeful service.
This podcast is made possible with sound production by Andre Lagace.
Hi friends. So this question came up during a BAM coaching call and we spent an entire hour unpacking this particular question because there's so many layers to it and it's something that I've heard so many times from folks. But I'm gonna give you the Cliff Notes, sort of like nuts and bolts version of it, because what happens in a BAM coaching call is we like get into that person's story, we unpack, you know sort of where their personal knots might be held. But I thought that the like nuts and bolts were still incredibly valid and helpful for really anybody who is wanting to create community in social media spaces. So, yeah, the concept around how do we develop better relationships with social media and by better I want to just make that explicit more regulated, less dopamine inducing, less like doom-scrolly and, quite frankly, just like more empowering and connected when you go on social media and for me, the space that I like to play in is an Instagram, but really this concept applies to any other social media space that you're you're really interacting with. So I really think of it as like inputs and outputs. So the first piece to really unpack is like what is the inputs coming in through your screen and is it time to maybe do a little bit of spring cleaning. It's something that I do fairly regularly is go through my list of accounts that I'm following and deciding like, hey, do I really want to be following this person, this company? And so, for example, if you go to my Kat Hoseuli account, actually have 109 accounts that I'm following, which is pretty low, I would say, and I, just out of my own, like sheer sense of curiosity, I went through and made a like, differentiation of like, who am I following and why am I following them? So 63 of those people are past or current clients. Because I genuinely want to see what's happening in their lives. I want to see, like, even if they are, you know, graduated from either one-on-one coaching with me or from BAM, I want to see what kind of offers y'all are putting out. I get excited to see like hey, like that's a thing that we talked about and you're actually doing the thing. And so 63 of those folks are clients, like actual clients that I've had. 38 of them are either friends or collaborators, and so under that list are folks that you know I love doing projects with folks that I have had on the podcast and just like really interested in their in their work, and then nine of those are teachers, so people that I would like to learn from in you know, whatever capacity. I think some of them are nervous system teachers, some of them are, you know, also other business coaches that I'm interested in, and so, like, the list of inputs is quite small, and that is completely on purpose, because there are so many ways in which we can feel so shitty about ourselves, and for me, one of my like barbs is when I see somebody out there in the world, particularly in the business coaching world, who is doing something in an unethical way, I have a tendency to just like latch into that and be like like, if I'm operating from, you know, sort of my inner wounded child, I'm like how is it that they have so many more followers than me and they're doing things in a way that I know is unethical? Instead of looking at my own work and being like hey, like, how can I continue to create a safer place for people? How can I continue to have really interesting conversations with folks? And so, instead of going through that like inner turmoil of like seeing things out there that don't resonate, I've just decided to like unfollow a lot of folks. To me, that also helps keep my messaging really clear and an expression of who I am, so that I'm not being influenced by what trendy things are out there, like I really, really don't care about the algorithm. I've built my entire business so far on completely organic marketing. I've not put out ads, it's really just been through relationship building, and so if I have an icky, sticky relationship with what shows up on my scroll, then it makes me lexic-cited to come to this place, and so, like, there's a very, very clear boundary for me in terms of like who shows up on my feed. I will say that I have a personal account as well, and on there I do follow more people, but they tend to be things like about horse training and, you know, homesteading. And for me, that's where I get into a little bit of the scroll is because, again, even there there are all accounts that, like give me a good and excited feeling to show up in that space, and I think that that's an important thing to sort of check in with your body about is how does that account make you feel? And so, as somebody who has a safe or response in human design, I can literally just make a decision of like body scan. Oh, I don't like how that account makes me feel. I don't even need to like justify it or create any sort of like logic or like why, story around it or even like get into, like how is my unfollow going to make them feel like you'd be surprised how little people are able to like sense like this, like ebb and flow in their, in their follower field, you know, on a weekly basis I would say. You know, it's a little different when I've posted something controversial. But, like, I would say that my follower list fluctuates like anywhere between like five to fifteen people on any given basis and and, as you know, accounts grow bigger that number gets a little bit bigger and then Oftentimes, when I do post something a bit controversial, I'll see a big mass migration out of my space and to me that's a welcome thing, it's a hey. I'm glad that I showed this thing to you because it gives you the sovereignty and autonomy to choose whether you want to be in this space, and particularly when it comes to my cat host, uli account, I think of that as a teaching space and so if something doesn't sit right for that person, of course I want them to go find something that is going to align for them better, and so when I see those mass migrations, I I Welcome that in my body. That's not always been the case. That's taken some work, and so if that is something that feels a little bit sticky to you, that's totally okay too. Like let's just honor and meet that where it's at, and you know, this is the kind of work that I love doing in group coaching is like okay. So where does that story come from? Where do those feelings of Perhaps rejection or abandonment come from? Can we reassure that little kid that's inside of you, that is watching that number with like a hawk eye, that you know somebody following or unfollowing you has nothing to do with your value and your worth. It really just is about resonance and and and to me it always comes back to relationships. So that's on the input side. I would say on the output side it gets a little bit more. I there's like, there's like a little bit more nuance there, right, and so to me it's always about relationships, like I just said. And so if I want to treat my space, as I Really think of it, as like that, that independently owned whatever store for me the, the sort of like kind of store that I want to cultivate is like that cozy yarn store where, like you just want to like chat with that store clerk and nerd out about that thing. Or Actually, my local feed store where I get my horse food from and my dog food from is like that as well. I love Nicole who manages that store and you know she's just such a welcoming, warm presence and even if I'm not there to buy something, I just kind of like hanging out and like petting the bunnies, and oftentimes they have like puppies for sale in there and and so like. That's the kind of store that I want to cultivate and so it's not gonna be this like Perfectly curated box store, like target, you know, with like planned out everything and you know this like sort of artificial way of staging things. Like when you come on to my page it's just a glimpse into my life and yes, I am selling products and I have offers out there, but it's also a place that we can just like relate human to human and that's the kind of vibe that I want to cultivate, because that's the kind of business that I feel really excited to share with you and and to me that then changes the kind of content that I want to create For me. I know that there are some business coaches out there who will say, have a call to action at the end of every Post and make sure that you're sending them to your website. And you know, make sure that you're sending them to your podcast. And you know, to me it's like if I were to Sit down with somebody who I'm relating to and every single time I sat down with them, they were trying to sell me on something like that would not be a cozy and safe relationship. No-transcript. You know, sometimes I'll have questions for Nicole and be like, hey, like, what kind of food do you feed your horse and why do you choose this brand over that brand? But she's not the kind of pushy sales person who's like, hey, like, this is the new thing that I have on offer right now. You should go get this thing and let me sell it to you right now. Like to me, like that would be a reason to not go into that store. So that's why I interweave the way that I show up in that space, because it is just sort of like, authentic and organic to what's happening in my life, and you know the pings that I'm getting from gardening, or you know the sort of parallels that I'm seeing between, like, my horse training and how that shows up in business, and using my life as a bit of a metaphor. Like, to me, that feels like a more organic way to relate to people than to constantly be shoving a product down their throats. Another thing that I think is really important to mention here is that this is my business page and so, as my business, I am allowed to, and in fact, it is so important for me to actually create some boundaries around who's allowed in and who's not allowed in, what kind of things can be said in this space. And so, you know, you can argue about free speech all day long, but ultimately, if somebody were to come into my store and it was like a brick and mortar storefront and they decided to just like tear into the yarn that's on the walls, and you know, slam the glass bottles that I have that are, you know, perfectly curated, and you know, take the beautiful pottery that I have brought into my space and, and you know, throw those on the ground, like, that person would promptly be escorted out of my space and I would probably have a picture of them by the cash register saying this person's not allowed in my space anymore, and so I regularly use the block button on Instagram for this purpose is oftentimes, if I happen to say something controversial, people come in telling me how I should think, how I should feel, what I should be saying, and that is the equivalent of you going into a brick and mortar shop and telling them how they should run their business and taking a shit in the middle of the floor. That would not be okay, and so, and so you know, I think that in the beginning stages of really cultivating a relationship with social media, I was really scared to use the block button, feeling like, oh, I'm actually shutting down their voice or you know, you know, maybe I need to be honoring the free speech a bit more, but, like, when it comes down to it, I am totally open to having uncomfortable conversations with people. I have them all the time with my inner circle. I have talked about how one of the things that I value most about my relationship with Andre, who helps me run this business he's just kind of on the back end of things is that he's constantly poking holes in the things that I say and how I say things and you know, challenging, like, have you thought about it in this particular way or that particular way? And those conversations are so valuable because he comes in with an energy of wanting to understand me better, wanting to understand, you know, whatever concept it is that we're mulling over better and comes in with a lot of like, respect and honoring where I'm coming from. And so, you know, I've had really wonderful conversations about controversial topics with people in my DMs who come in with a genuine sense of curiosity and wanting to understand. And you know, sometimes they do come in wanting to change my mind, and I am open to having my mind changed, but it has to come from a place of mutual respect and understanding first, and so that's an important boundary to make is that I think that a lot of times, because we're sharing so much personal stuff here, particularly if you're an online coach and you're a spaceholder, it's hard to get those lines really clear. But one of the things that has to be clearly and explicitly said that this is your business page, this is not your personal page, and so you are allowed to treat your Instagram shop in quotation marks as a business. I think another thing that I wanted to bring into this space is like what to share and what not to share, because I think that a lot of times I've had this feedback of like oh I can't believe that you are so open and so, you know, vulnerable with us. And while I can appreciate that, it's because I've been able to develop in my own nervous system the capacity to have a lot of the things that are kind of sticky and, you know, kind of scary out in the open. That's taken a lot of time, that's taken a lot of work, and I still have a very, very hard boundary around. I do not share things that are not in regulation, and so for me it's I have my own inner circle that I go to. I've got my best friends, I've got my husband, I've got my parents and I use them to help me co-regulate when things feel really dysregulating. And I'm not going to come into my business space and ask for that from my community, because the product that I am sharing with you, the offer that I'm sharing with you, is that I am a teacher and it would be inappropriate for me to cross that boundary of asking someone else to hold space for me in this place when I am supposed to be the one who's holding space for you. So the reassurance that I can make here is that I have my own people, because I'm a human as well and because things are scary and the world is frightening sometimes and things don't always go as I want them to or I plan them to, and so, of course, I'm going to get dysregulated. I'm not here to tell you that, like at the end of this healing journey, you are never, ever going to feel dysregulated again. It's like there is no end to this healing journey. There was always going to be dysregulation. It is actually important that you get dysregulated because there's a lot of information that you can glean from dysregulation. And in that face of dysregulation, how can you support yourself so that you can come to your business in a regulated state? And to me again, that always comes back to my core people and being able to lean on them and trust them to hold me so that I can hold you all Around. That piece is again under the umbrella of like what do I share? What do I not share? Another piece of that is this is a teaching space for me. I teach about emotional regulation. I teach about nervous system regulation. I teach about ethical business practices, how to do relational marketing. There's a lot that we teach about in this space, and so if I am being asked to teach something that I do not know enough about, that is always going to be a hard no for me. I've talked about this a lot when it comes to the conflict in Israel and Palestine, because I was getting called in quite a lot during those weeks. I'm still getting messages almost weekly about that, and because I am not an expert on the Middle East and what is happening there, because I cannot possibly understand the nuances of what is going on in that space and what it's like for the people who are really affected by that. I will always send you to people that I am learning from, and so, in the background, I am listening to a lot of things that Daniel and Gabar Mata are putting out. I'm reading books about this and I am not. I do not feel that I will ever be in a place where I know enough about this to be able to actually talk about it and share about it in a way that is going to feel ethical, and so my boundary around being a teacher in this space is that I do not share things that I cannot teach about, because I do not have enough information, I do not have the experience and the study behind it to share it with you in an ethical way, and so I will always send questions like that you know whether and again, this is kind of important as a practitioner as well Like what is within your scope and what's not within your scope? Right, what is not within my scope is to talk about geopolitical events that I know nothing about. What is within my scope is to talk about the emotions and the feelings that might be coming up for people around that, and so if you wanna talk to me about rage, if you wanna talk to me about grief and guilt and shame about some of these events that are happening, I am all here for that. I am not here to tell you what is the right answer in these conflicts. I'm not here to tell you what needs to happen in these spaces, because, again, I'm not a teacher on those things. So this I thought was gonna be like a five or six minute video. It turned out obviously a lot longer. So, yeah, I am hopeful that that was helpful for you and let me know if this was interesting, insightful, if it brought up anything for you. If you have any further questions around social media and your relationship to social media, you can always send me an email. Hello at cathosucom and I'm really glad that you are in my community, so we'll chat soon.