16. CONSCIOUS RELATIONSHIPS: Chat with Kat - Exploring Adult Attachment Theory in Romantic Relationships

When I got divorced and decided that I wanted to take radical responsibility for my own patterns, I started asking myself some questions:

• Why do I feel clingy when my partner wants time/space?
• Why do I withdraw when I'm feeling vulnerable? 
• How do I empathize with my partner and better understand their needs while honouring and feeling empowered in my own needs? 

As I started opening up to people about my story, I noticed that everyone I talked to has the same struggles. 

I found the structure to answer these questions in Adult Attachment Theory which is what we will explore today. 

This is what you'll learn in this session:

• Understand how your childhood experiences have lasting effects on your actions, decisions + emotions as an adult
• Identify your attachment wound
• Journal to start excavating what contributed to your Attachment style

Kat HoSoo Lee is an Emotional Alchemy Coach, Spiritual Business Mentor and host of The Emotional Alchemy Podcast.

She loves playing in the space where science and spirituality converge because this is where we get to experience emotional alchemy. In her work, she educates space-holders about somatic physiology and environmental biology so they can deepen their practices of listening and presence which ultimately helps them expand their capacity to hold space for others.

As a Spiritual Business Mentor, she guides soulful entrepreneurs to approach their business as a spiritual practice. The work bridges the emotional landscape with practical tools which allow them to cultivate businesses that are rooted in conscious values, relational marketing and purposeful service.

• Book a Free Connection Call
• Business Alchemist Mentorship
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This podcast is made possible with sound production by Andre Lagace.

Chapters

• 3:14 Intentions of this Session
• 4:29 This conversation is for you if…
• 6:39 Recognize when you fall into relationship eddies
• 7:34 Questions I started asking after I got divorced in 2015
• 8:49 Examining Childhood is not blaming
• 13:46 Register for Conscious Relationships 101 to watch the video and download the journaling pages
• 14:30 Explanation of Brain Wave frequencies
• 19:04 Childhood experiences have lasting effects on the actions, feelings and emotions as adults
• 24:21 Peter Shaw’s NLP Metaphor
• 27:28 Strange Situation Test by Mary Ainsworth + John Bowbly
• 30:17 Core fundamental question: Do I feel safe?
• 32:06 How caregivers respond to a child feeling scared is going to shape her action, feelings and attachment style when she grows up
• 32:29 Trauma is from intensity or repetition
• 33:25 Scolding and minimizing as a parenting tactic
• 35:17 Bubblewrapping as a parenting tactic
• 37:30 Responsive parenting
• 39:57 Adult Attachment Theory by Cindy Hazan and Philip Shaver
• 41:06 Overview of Attachment Styles
• 44:40 We do not fit into boxes
• 51:07 Attachment Theory is helpful when asking “Why”
• 53:30 Choosing Higher Self over your Lower Self
• 56:49 There is shame around asking for help when it comes to Love
• 58:27 In The Heart Lab, we cover needs, protest behaviours, communication patterns, underlying Belief structures when it comes to Attachment Theory
• 1:01:49 You are the common denominator in all your relationships
• 1:03:07 Why just listening to the episode andanswering the journaling questions in your head is not good enough
• 1:16:28 Attached by Amir Levine
• 1:17:18 Wired for Love by Stan Tatkin
• 1:18:23 Next week we will talk about Conscious Relationships
• 1:19:32 Join the Heart Lab